To make life experiences therapeutic involves making a conscious choice about what to do and then reflecting back on how things worked out to see what can be gleaned from that experience to shape further actions.

For example, let’s say you are experiencing some discomfort with a colleague at work. You can choose to just live with the discomfort and hope things will get better. If that doesn’t work, you can look for ways to reinterpret what is happening with that colleague – to look at it differently. For instance, maybe you are focusing your attention and energy on something irritating that your colleague is doing. You can choose to look further inside yourself to identify whether you have some sensitivity, some small hurt or wound that gets reactivated by the behavior of your colleague. If you can get in touch with the origins of your sensitivity, you can recognize that your colleague’s behavior is not the real cause of your irritation, but rather is just tapping into an emotional legacy you are carrying around from some other life event. Separating the two experiences – the current irritation from the older wounding – can help you see your colleague differently and get you started on the road to healing the older wound.

You can then decide whether it might be helpful to talk with the colleague to bring about a different kind of dynamic between yourself and that person. Having that talk after attending to the inner distress you are feeling is likely to make the talk go much better. And if talking does not go as far as you would like to resolve the issue, then you still have more information you can apply to the situation with additional reflection.

If this sounds like something you would like to be able to do but can’t quite manage it on your own, some brief counseling can get you started with the process.